What If The Mayans Were Right?!?

Well, it is 2012 and according to the Mayan calendar-or at least conspiracy theorists and those guys with the sandwich boards-the world is coming to a cataclysmic end in December. So what are you going to do about it besides eat bacon with every meal or ride your bike without a helmet? Will you go to work? Try to be a better person? Do something reckless?

Through NHLABORNET, an online discussion group for NH human resources professionals created and maintained by Sheehan Phinney Bass + Green in Manchester, HR professionals shared what they would like to do, or seen done, if the world is indeed coming to an end. Here, with some healthy editing and content control (they can be a rough bunch) are the results of that survey.

10. Update the company's emergency evacuation procedures on how to respond to apocalyptic events in an orderly fashion.

9. Replace the company suggestion box with a paper shredder.

8. Check the supply closet for water bottles, canned goods, flashlights, batteries and survival guides left over from Y2K.

7. Let employees withdraw money from 401(k), profit sharing and Christmas Club accounts.

6. Scrap the wellness program. Permit smoking, bring back candy and soda vending machines, and forget weight loss and exercise programs. Heck, have a lunch and learn program with fried chicken, french fries and deep-fried Twinkies.

5. Permit booze at company events and meetings, as long as it is in moderation and as long as power tools, extreme sports and cage fights are also permitted to resolve differences between employees. (They may need those survival skills later.)

4. Skip sexual harassment training, disconnect security cameras and replace anti-fraternization with a "Don't Ask, Don't Tell, Don't Share Pictures" policy.

3. Finally go paperless. Stop worrying about paperwork, required posters, files and record-keeping. Toss everything unless you need something to burn to stay warm in the last days.

2. Hold the holiday party much earlier--like in October, and order as much food and drink as you can-all on credit.

And, the top response:

1. Throw out all policies and either grant the union everything they want (effective Jan. 1, 2013) OR tell union representatives, problem employees and even your boss what you really think. If you lose your job or ruffle a few feathers, what does it matter anyway?

Now that we got that out of our system, let's remember that human resources professionals are often the voice of calm and reason at work. They provide balance and offer solutions in complicated and difficult situations. Who knows, these guardians of civility in an increasingly uncivil workplace may be best equipped to guide us through the challenges that may lie ahead.

Whether you adopt this Mayan calendar or not, let's all agree to take one day at a time, count our blessings, not sweat the small stuff, and, above all, forgive me if I have offended any of you or if I owe you any money. Hey, it's worth a shot.

Jim Reidy is a management lawyer and shareholder at the law firm of Sheehan Phinney Bass + Green, P.A. in Manchester and moderator for NHLABORNET. For more information, visit www.sheehan.com.