Folks write poems about Mom, name their kids after her and even sport tattoos praising her glory - and now the results of a new national survey should make moms feel even more special. Just in time for Mother's Day, the national poll, commissioned by a local agency, reveals 70 percent of adult children do not want their parents moving in with them. But if they had to choose, 67 percent (2 out of 3) would overwhelmingly choose to move in their mom over their dad.
The national survey of more than 1,100 adults, ages 40 and older with both living parents, was commissioned by Visiting Angels, a national in-home senior care companies with more than 450 offices throughout the country.
WHY MOVE IN MOM OVER DAD?
Most say Mom would:
o Help more than Dad with cooking and cleaning (86%)
o Help more than Dad with the kids (79%)
o Be neater (73%)
o Be a better listener (64%)
Most say Dad:
o Has worse hygiene than Mom (75%)
o Is more likely than Mom to say inappropriate things (75%)
o Is sloppier than Mom (70%)
o Is lazier than Mom (68%)
o Would want to control the TV more than Mom (69%)
FEAR FACTOR:
When asked what they fear about one or both parents moving in, respondents say:
o Not enough room (55%)
o Lack of privacy (49%)
o It would cause conflict (46%)
o They fear they'd have less intimacy/sex with partner (21%)
THERE'S NO PLACE LIKE HOME
Fully 41 percent say they would prefer their parents remain in their own home with a caregiver, over moving them in to their home (31%) or moving them to an assisted living facility (17%) or nursing home (2%). More than half (58%) believe their aging parents would prefer to stay in their own home.
MONEY MOTIVATOR?
Two-thirds (66%) of those polled say they cannot afford to move their parents in with them. Yet more than half (51%) say they would move them in anyway. And here's some heartwarming news 85 percent say money is no motivator that they would not be more inclined to move parents in if they got more of the inheritance. And 76 percent of those polled say they would pay out of their own pocket if their parents needed care.
This survey shows children don't want their aging parents to move in but they will do whatever it takes to take care of them, even if it means picking up the tab, says Larry Meigs, CEO of Visiting Angels. People prefer their parents stay in their own home surrounded by the things that make them feel comfortable and safe."
WHERE'S THE PLAN?
The survey reveals children mean to do well by their parents, though many have no game plan whatsoever. Almost three-quarters of respondents (72%) say they don't have a plan for how they'll care for their aging parents. More than half (54%) say they haven't even had a conversation with their parents about the type of care they want as they age.
WHO SHOULD TAKE CARE OF MOM AND DAD?
Respondents say this question could cause a family feud.
Surprisingly, 46 percent predict some kind of conflict when deciding how to care for aging parents while 28 percent expect conflict with a parent, 25 percent with a sibling and 11 percent with a spouse or significant other.
So who bears the most responsibility for aging parents? Often (32%) say the child that lives closest while 27 percent say the child with the least responsibility helps the most or those with no spouse or children. The wealthiest (19%) often help out while the child who was most spoiled (or who received the most as a child), which is about 3 percent, is the big helper.
There can be a lot of conflict in families over how to care for aging parents. Part of the problem is that most families decide about their parents' care in crisis when it's too late; emotions take over and it's difficult to think logically and clearly, says Meigs. You need to meet now with your parents and siblings to decide on a solution that appeals to everyone involved. Often the family will agree that the best solution is in-home care where parents can stay at home and get the care they need without overly burdening anyone in the family.
Current Issue - May 2024