Dangerous Liaisons?

Dear object of my affection,
This may seem silly or unnecessary to you, but I need you to give serious consideration to the matter, as it is very important to me. I very much value our personal relationship and I certainly view it as voluntary, consensual and welcome, and I have always felt that you feel the same.

OK, so that's not the most romantic love letter, but we're not talking about Romeo and Juliet here, we're talking about office romance. That's why some companies now ask employees-generally in the case of a manager and his/her subordinate-to fill out a "Love Contract," as provided in part above by Jim Reidy, an employment attorney at Sheehan, Phinney, Bass + Green in Manchester. It's meant to ensure or confirm that a romance is consensual, won't result in favoritism, and, should it go sour, won't affect a subordinate's employment or generate a sexual harassment claim.

Though love contracts are rare in NH and nationwide, says Reidy, office romance is not. According to CareerBuilder.com's 2009 office romance survey of more than 8,000 workers, 40 percent report dating a co-worker with 31 percent of those ending in marriage. Among those who dated a co-worker, 34 percent say it was someone higher up the ladder.

While 7 percent of those surveyed left a job due to romance, many office romances succeed and couples continue working together. Take Dan and Erin Smith (pseudonyms to prevent their personal life from affecting their professional life), who met at a large NH company. The Smiths married and still work there, though now in different departments. They maintain one rule: no public displays of affection at work. In fact, they kept their engagement a secret for months. As Erin says, "We had to break people in." Their company does not use love contracts as far as they know, but if it did, says Dan, "That would be a lot of contract signing." Adds Erin, "It's a big company, and it's a lot of nights out. We hear about the affairs," adding that many relationships succeed and like theirs, result in marriage.

So how do companies allow love to blossom without negative repercussions? It's often a matter of having a professional conduct code that forbids public affection or favoritism and enforces treating everyone with respect. "My sense is New Hampshire companies generally just don't have a policy [on office romance]," says Jennifer Parent, a partner in the litigation department at McLane, Graf, Raulerson and Middleton P.A. "If they do have any policy, it's a subordinate/supervisor one [that prohibits those relationships]."

One way companies deal with Cupid, says Parent, is to reassign managers to new departments if they date a subordinate. When both people are critical to a department or company, says Reidy, love contracts can ensure the relationship does not affect the workplace. But he adds that he has used them only two or three times during his 20-year career. Parent adds that NH courts have not ruled on the enforceability of those contracts.

And Reidy points to how technology has already resulted in new policies relating to e-mail, blogs and social networking. So while office rules used to focus on things like the improper pat on the rear, there are now rules related to "textual harassment," or inappropriate messages sent via text or e-mail. In those cases, he says, employer liability comes down to when did the employer know about it, and when and how they responded.

Parent says it's hard for an employer to say no one can date at a company, which is why firms tend to rely on policies and training. In cases where policies are not followed, sexual harassment claims (one type of discrimination) result. Between state fiscal years 2008 and 2009, sexual harassment claims in NH dropped 21 percent to 41 claims, based on NH Human Rights Commission data.

Discrimination claims have a number of causes, but second on the list is retaliation. "Not every consensual relationships is between two unmarried or unattached people," Reidy says. "Apart from mental illness, one of the leading causes of workplace violence is domestic violence that spills into their workplace, such as when a soon-to-be former girlfriend comes to get back at her [boyfriend]."

Love is risky business-as anything involving emotions is-but for better or worse it's a part of office life. So if you see two colleagues dancing in the hall to elevator music after hours (that was listed as one of the most romantic things couples did in the office on CareerBuilder's Survey), don't be surprised. People can't deny their hearts.