Sally Boyle has spent the past 30 years helping divorcing couples “split like adults” so that they can preserve their families, emotions and their finances. Boyle, a certified financial planner, certified divorce financial analyst and principal of SJ Boyle Wealth Planning in Hanover, has blended her experience and knowledge into a new book, “Deconstructing Divorce: Taking the Mystery out of Divorce and Its Impact on Your Family, Finances, and Future.” It was released in January.
“I have a lot of people coming to me after their settlements. [I realized] they made some significant mistakes. I thought, ‘Wow, why didn’t you come to me before’,” she says of the inspiration for writing the book.
She knows firsthand how the emotions of divorce can cloud one’s judgment and lead to mistakes, having divorced her own husband—twice. “If I had a book like this during my divorce, it would have been helpful,” she says, explaining it is intended to be an easy-to-read reference tool for those who are considering or in the midst of a divorce but wish to separate with dignity.
“It’s natural to be a little crazy when divorcing. You feel emotionally entangled, and it doesn’t help you when making one of the biggest financial transactions of your life,” Boyle says. “If I help them think about how their emotions are playing into what they are doing, saying or planning, it’s helpful to dial it back and become a bit more objective.”
Take, for example, the decision of whether to keep the family home. “Quite often you see one party, typically the woman, who feels they need to keep the home even if it’s not the best financial decision,” she says. “The home is really a liability and not an asset. It grows at a more modest pace than the liquid assets that we forgo for the home.
“We don’t get an asset with net growth but an asset with expenses as much as the growth,” Boyle says.
Boyle maintains getting divorced shouldn’t ruin your family or destroy your finances, and, she says, divorces can often be handled without litigation. She recommends clients do their homework and understand their options. She says there are ways to treat divorce as a process not a war. Attorneys and clients can work together to troubleshoot problems, find solutions and mediate without the “fighting to defeat” mentality that happens in the court system.
Even though she is a financial adviser, Boyle says she often has to help clients negotiate the emotional pitfalls of divorce so that those emotions don’t sabotage making good decisions.
Among the topics included in the book are:
• Understanding and managing the emotions of divorce,
• Identifying financial and personal needs to negotiate better agreements,
• Retaining decision-making control around the children’s future,
• Understanding mediation, collaborative divorce and litigation options,
• Preparing for court,
• Developing a strategy for dealing with high-conflict personalities,
• Understanding the benefits of trial and legal separations.
Boyle says she hopes the book helps people better understand the divorce process, the financial effects of decisions and how to “go about it in a more managed way.”
Deconstructing Divorce is available on Amazon. For more information, visit sjboylewealthplanning.com.