The BNH Book Review: Money and Love

"Money and Love: An Intelligent Road Map for Life's Biggest Decisions" by Myra Strober & Abby Davisson

2023/HarperOne                                        

$28.99/320 pages

The two of you have been seeing one another for ages.

It's time to take the next step but hard conversations must be had first. Whose career will take precedence? Will you rent or buy a house as soon as possible? What is your beloved's savings history, or credit rating, or debt load? Coupling up isn't just about being romantic; in "Money and Love" by Myra Strober & Abby Davisson, it's also about being smart.

From the moment you were old enough to understand the power of money, you've had decisions to make about it. When you found The Right One, you probably also found more decisions to make. Not to make you wince, but Strober & Davisson say that dilemmas like this will follow you for the rest of your life.

Sadly, however, until now, few books on money have also included advice on relationships and vice versa, and it might seem as though one is given more weight than the other. But with the authors' "5Cs Framework," you can avoid impulsive, snap decisions and learn to make the right love-and-money choices.

First, clarify what's most important to you. Know what you truly want and what are deal- breakers. Communicate with your partner about your future and how you envision it, then calmly listen to their viewpoint. Look for and consider all choices in this subject; there may be ideas or pathways that aren't immediately obvious, but that are worth exploring. Check in with those you love, and see if there are any other resources that either of you may have overlooked. Finally, think about the consequences, both good and bad. You may believe that you have good prognostication skills, but think about what could happen over time: a week, six months, two years, five years.

Be willing to take a break from one another, but leave the door open. Figure out your housing situation ahead of time. Know your respective money IQs and financial language. How do you feel about a prenup? And how do you each perceive gender roles?

In their introduction, authors Myra Strober & Abby Davisson say that once you get past their first chapter about the "5Cs," then feel free to skip around. Or you might be more willing to just skip the rest altogether.

To be clear, this book is helpful. It touches on the things that starry-eyed readers don't consider when thinking about the future. But that helpfulness is marred by very, very simplistic language that seems better suited for readers who, perhaps, are just out of high school or soon graduating from college. Older readers don't need an explanation of a helix, for example, or a three-part list of how you might share your money, or a primer on divorce. Younger couples, the just-newly engaged, or the thinking-about-it-all do.

Keep that in mind, when you approach this book. Indeed, it may help you make informed decisions, but its usefulness may be limited. What you get out of "Money and Love" could absolutely depend on your ages.